last old-style painting finished

matisse smthe last black-field painting was finished yesterday. a trashing-homage to matisse. ‘matisse wa’  thing, it truly sucks to the degree that matisse is wonderful.

i completed it because i felt really bad yesterday, suicidal, knowing how worthless i am. making the last mark pushed me from the edge. i’m driving nails into the water when i should be boiling it away.