‘art’ is what an artist makes when he makes art. but, making art is about transcending your own mediocrity. when an artist develops and understands her tools and technique and watches where they lead her, she realizes that art is the means to understand herself and become free — to move outside her own narrow space and understanding.
the artist moves outside his genre to invent his art. he invents a world for himself. i’m sort of there, but i’m still looking over my shoulder to see what the watchers are seeing. the liberating thing this last year is to realize the art lovers were actually just looking to see if i was appreciating their condescension in looking at my stuff at all. it’s easier to work now that i’m turning my back on them… no more distractions from helping the needy narcissists. this, of course, is just protective reaction. but, after, what, seven years of not even getting a comment or a share from such good friends, i think maybe i have to realize what ‘friend’ actually means.
my new painting sometimes just looks to me like old bauhaus done by one of the kids who didn’t quite get the concept. though, my old stuff looks most of the time to me like someone who just wanted to be a painter. i brain-drain and agonize and have great moments of static high when i work on my painting. but, if i have to ask who i’m painting my stuff for, i have to admit it’s for art museums rather than to change the way the world sees or thinks or laughs. granted, ‘art museum’ means the situation where people who really do know how to see a painting will see my work. in fact, they’re the only people i want to see my painting. circular loop, and sometimes my work looks really like a painting.