what happens to me when i feel that people think i’m entertainment, think my painting is a joke? think i talk too much some times, that i’m too this or that — intense or obsessed… what i am is very isolated, and i need people to put as much consciousness into my work as i put in theirs. but, who are my friends? people who think i’m good entertainment but think i should just lighten-up? and, i don’t really want to post my paintings anymore, because, why?… because people just don’t seem to know what a painting is for? but, what is a painting for…? a painting exists in nature just as a leaf exists in nature — you look at a leaf to find the secrets of nature. but in your vanity you look at a painting to see what you’re supposed to see when you look at one — to show everyone you like ‘paintings’, to see a fucking sunset that looks so stupid next to a real sunset — that is, one which makes its own light… and, to see the ha-ha/boo-hoo/wow-wow picture minnie mouse has on her encino hills wall.
the painting is a picture of the artist, is a raw picture of nature and should be talked with, not snacked on. so, all i can figure is that my stuff is just cheese puffs for people who think painting should be roast beef. that’s my beef today.